Time Flies.

We are knocking on November's door which means I have officially been in Tennessee and MTSU 4 months. I have to say - it was a good move for me. I feel less stressed, more important work wise, and just generally happier. I fully understand that nothing is perfect but this was a great decision for me.

The independence I have at my new job is wonderful. I really feel like it is okay to run my building and my staff how I want. I don't have someone constantly breathing down my back making sure that my staff is "following rules" or that we have complete the necessary activities. I know that my supervisors trust me to do work.One time, I asked if I needed to let my boss know I was going to Walmart to go shopping for a program. Her response was "I trust that you are working. Do what you need to do." WHAT?! It was spectacular to feel so trusted.

Granted I miss some things about my old job. I miss having my best friend down the hallway where we can chat when there is nothing to do. I miss RHA - advising a student organization was awesome. My team did wonderful week and I loved watching them grow and develop into a better organization year after year. I miss my RA staff from both years. It is weird to go from having my wonderful RAs constantly around to not at all. I want a starbucks trip with Danielle, Abby and Kendall. I want dinner with Deion, Hannah, JJ and Tiff. I want a movie night with Danielle. I want to see Zach fall of the stage (I couldn't resist). I want to have Jackie or Zach Pierce say something or do something that I absolutely don't understand. I want to have girl talk with Rachel, Alex, Casey, Ashley and Danielle. Don't get me wrong - I absolutely adore my new RAs, RDs and DAs. But they don't replace that wonderful place in my heart that my BC RAs had.I think that is the hardest part - being so far away from people who you have grown to care about.

But in the end, I am much happier as a person now. The people you work for and with make a complete difference in happiness. More importantly, being in an area where there are things to do is awesome! I can go out, meet none work people, and becoming involved in the area - without worrying about running into students on a regular basis. And if I do run into students, I most likely have no idea who they are.

I think I could get used to living out here. Definitely off to a nice start.

helping others

I love my job. I love working in Higher Education and I love helping people.But nothing frustrates me more than when I am trying to help others and they won't help themselves. For example, I spent so much time last week scheduling individual meetings with students. I just want to chat with them to make sure they are adjusted in the two most important ways: academically (I looked up grades) and socially. Yet, as I sit in my office and wait - I just continue to wait. No show after no show.

This relates to so much that we do in life. How many times to we hear people say you can't help someone who wont help themselves? It is in everything we do in life. We continue to question these relationships we form with people over the years and yet, we let the simplest things people do frustrate us.

This week I am continuing to work on letting go. It is so hard for me to want to care so much about other people - there are many times I have to remind myself that I don't have all the answers. I absolutely  have some strong opinions, but that doesn't mean I know what is best for someone else. Most the times, I don't even know what is best for me.

Throughout the last couple months - there seems to be so many articles relating to 20 somethings. What we should do, what we shouldn't do, why we are awesome, why we aren't so awesome. Yesterday I even read an article about how people were talking about pushing the level of "adulthood" back to 25 instead of 18ish. As wonderful as it is to read these articles, I just keep thinking that I am so different from these people who write these articles. I have had different life experiences and have dealt with those experiences different from people who have been through the same thing. Reading advice articles can be fantastic but in the end, we have to remember that we stand on our own two feet and that is all that matters.

Being independent has never been a struggle for me. I actually really enjoy the freedom that comes with it. Being a 20 something makes since in my world.

relationships

I consider myself a very independent person. I have been since I was very little. However, I am also very dedicated to the people who mean the most to me - mainly my family with a handful of close friends. Being from a military family, Dad always said your sisters are your best friends. It has become clear over the years why he pushed that so much. I mean really - how many "friends" do I have from my different homes? I can think of 1 from TN, 2ish from VA Beach (school wise), 1 from Colorado, and Bridgewater is still TBD. Even college left me with only a handful of people I would consider good friends. 

When my mom got sick - I pulled away. Being in Colorado made it hard - I turned to exercising and exploring with Kristen. But the moment I got home, it was all about mom. It was about what I could do for the family. It didn't matter that I didn't have time to run regularly or work. All I focused on is whether or not Dad & Amber could work, whether Dad was taking care of himself, making sure Mom was never alone.

After Mom left, it seems that I still couldn't get rid of that. I continued to take care of Dad or Amber. I constantly checking on other people and communicating to the rest of the family about the state of things. I even dropped everything at least once for Brittany and Amber to "save the day."

There was a breaking point my last summer at Bridgewater where I realized, I don't have to be the one who holds it all together. If they don't want to talk to each other or include everyone in their lives, why should I stress about it? It was a hard decision to make. Generally, I make it a rule in my life not to stress over people who don't make me important in their life. Why should my family be any different? 

So I decided to move away again. It was a hard decision. I worried that something might happen to Dad and I was going to be too far away (again). There would be no more weekend trips to Virginia Beach just because. However, when I interview at MTSU, I knew it was meant to be. And I love it out here!

However, we have a new turn of events in my family, as we always do. Here I am thinking, well that's it. I don't know why I sit here and continue to think that things would go back to normal. My family would care about each other, try to make each other part of their daily lives, and enjoy our time together. So from here I figure out how to move forward. How to readjust everything I believe about family. 

reminiscing

This weekend was wonderful! I had a beautiful time with one of my favorite people exploring Nashville. We saw more things this weekend then I had since I moved here in July. I may even have found my new favorite spot - The Hermitage.

However, the weekend had to come to an end. Last night, we spent the night catching up on our favorite shows (Once Upon a Time and Real Housewives). As I laid in my bed last night, I couldn't get my mind of her - my mother. Words can never express how much I miss her everyday. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss her advice and general conversations. I miss riding in the car and holding her hand. I miss playing who can ignore more people at the mall (she always lost because everyone loved her).

This weekend, I went to a lovely little boutique where I bought a piece of jewelry. It is totally 100% me! But everything that was sold in the store was made there. When I paid for my new necklace, I got to look in the back of the store. WALLS of jewelry stuff. Mom would have loved it! I wish she could have been there to see it.

I know she is always there, but it just isn't the same.