relationships

I consider myself a very independent person. I have been since I was very little. However, I am also very dedicated to the people who mean the most to me - mainly my family with a handful of close friends. Being from a military family, Dad always said your sisters are your best friends. It has become clear over the years why he pushed that so much. I mean really - how many "friends" do I have from my different homes? I can think of 1 from TN, 2ish from VA Beach (school wise), 1 from Colorado, and Bridgewater is still TBD. Even college left me with only a handful of people I would consider good friends. 

When my mom got sick - I pulled away. Being in Colorado made it hard - I turned to exercising and exploring with Kristen. But the moment I got home, it was all about mom. It was about what I could do for the family. It didn't matter that I didn't have time to run regularly or work. All I focused on is whether or not Dad & Amber could work, whether Dad was taking care of himself, making sure Mom was never alone.

After Mom left, it seems that I still couldn't get rid of that. I continued to take care of Dad or Amber. I constantly checking on other people and communicating to the rest of the family about the state of things. I even dropped everything at least once for Brittany and Amber to "save the day."

There was a breaking point my last summer at Bridgewater where I realized, I don't have to be the one who holds it all together. If they don't want to talk to each other or include everyone in their lives, why should I stress about it? It was a hard decision to make. Generally, I make it a rule in my life not to stress over people who don't make me important in their life. Why should my family be any different? 

So I decided to move away again. It was a hard decision. I worried that something might happen to Dad and I was going to be too far away (again). There would be no more weekend trips to Virginia Beach just because. However, when I interview at MTSU, I knew it was meant to be. And I love it out here!

However, we have a new turn of events in my family, as we always do. Here I am thinking, well that's it. I don't know why I sit here and continue to think that things would go back to normal. My family would care about each other, try to make each other part of their daily lives, and enjoy our time together. So from here I figure out how to move forward. How to readjust everything I believe about family.