Maybe I need to work on me...

It is an unnecessary burden to make negative judgmental assumptions about others. We are all on a journey. ~ Steve Maraboli

Yesterday I made a huge realization. I am very judgmental when it comes to people I love. I know that this is because I want the best for them and I set high expectations for the people that I keep in my life. However, is it truly fair? I feel as if it might be the reason that distance is growing between me and these said people. 

I need to learn to live by the quote above or Mark 5:36 "Just Believe." 

Maybe what I think is stupid or a bad choice makes sense for their life. But how do you let go of that feeling like they are messing up - again?! 

For a while now, mostly since mom got sick, I have been living with this feeling that I had to fix everything. The family is falling apart? No problem, I will fix it. Someone screwed up? No problem, I will fix it. Someone is unhappy? No problem, I got it. But when I moved to Tennessee - it was with the intention that I would be physically far enough away that I couldn't fix it. And I had the realization last year that I shouldn't have to fix it. Right? I mean I am 25 and doing my thing.

But how do I let go of that feeling that things are going wrong? Or more importantly - the judgment of other people's opinions. I don't really have the urge to fix things but just to let that person know that I think they are making a HUGE mistake or judging their character based on those decisions. 

What a daily thought. I will continue to make myself a better person and be nicer to the people I love.

Influenster

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Alpha Sigma Alpha

Razzle Dazzle Delpha. Alpha Sigma Alpha.

Joining a sorority was a hard decision for me. I was miserable at Roanoke College after my first semester and needed to find a way to make it better. Dad and Mom said - get involved. join a club. What amazing advice! I decided to go greek because so many of my friends were doing it too. The moment I walked into Alpha Sigma Alpha's party - I knew I found my home.

Don't get me wrong - it had it's ups and downs throughout my time. But I wouldn't change a thing. It left me so blessed with an amazing organization that continues to change my life. I get to meet beautiful sisters all over the country. I get to mentor and support collegiate sisters in their journey. I get to continue to developed friendships that will last a life time.

I know that when I get married, I will have at least one sorority sister by my side. I will forever be eternally grateful for the gift five fantastic women gave the world in 1901.

Being a member of a sorority is a lifetime commitment. I intend to be a woman of poise and purpose, representing this wonderful sisterhood for a very long time!

Happy Bid's Day Theta Beta Chapter.

it doesn't seem real

Each day, we encounter new challenges. These challenges are meant to make you grow and learn. As the name of the blog says, I have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we are blessed to understand why; however, it seems like more often, we continue to be baffled. There will never be an answer to that stupid question. Why? Why now? Why me/them? Why this far?

For example, losing my mother was the hardest time of my life. I had a gut feeling that it was happening. Almost like visions telling me that I would soon be on my own. I struggled and continue to struggle with not having her to call every moment of every day to talk things over with. But shortly after my mother passed away, one of my sorority sisters started suffering from the same pain with her father's diagnosis of cancer. We barely knew each other. She joined ASA my last semester as a sister and we didn't have any immediate reasons to spend lots of time together. However, in some real twist of fate - we became each other's strength. To this day, her strength continues to be an inspiration for me. I spent time thinking and realized - I had to lose my mother to make myself strong enough to build that relationship. To be strong for her when she needed me too. Our parents are currently spending time in Heaven together, watching over us.

This week has been challenging to say the least. I am guilty of taking on the pain of others as my own - not in experiencing their pain, but trying to understand why or how. This week I find myself - how did we get here. I am dealing with learning new things about a person who has been in my life for 4+ years. Someone that I cherished as a friend and one of the ties to my past in Virginia Beach. Things that have been hidden for years that no one should have to deal with alone. I know I won't ever how we got here or why that friend?

So I have decided to take some steps for me. Finding someone to talk to is most important. Counseling does mean you have a problem. It is actually very encouraged in my job. We spend so much time taking care of others, teaching others to process crisis situations, and stepping into situations that cause you to question everything you have ever known - why shouldn't we take some time once a week or month to spend some time on our self?

No one who knows me can say that I haven't some rough situations in the past 4 years. I buried my mother, two friends from college, and my grandmother. I dealt with my family unit falling apart, new homes, and new relationships. Finding a new normal is a constant challenge because nothing still feels normal. I look forward to figuring it all out or coming to terms with not understanding.